Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
