god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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