just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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