So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
