yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
