please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you pee in the oven last night??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
