Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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