I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
