So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
