That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
