Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
