Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
