Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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