I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
