So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So much rum. So many feels.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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