Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
too bad you live with your parents still
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
