I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
