Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Randomize
