super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
