I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
