Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
