im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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