No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
