Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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