I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
