Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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