how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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