i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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