I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
