I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
