Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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