it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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