the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
