K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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