this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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