First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
