I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
