vagina is talking i cant
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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