shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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