He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
