i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
