after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
