college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
