So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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