I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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