don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
