Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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