i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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