She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
