.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
