I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
nutella sex= disaster
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
